Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
two words: eviction party
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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