You made me cry and you don't even care
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
