Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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