You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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