Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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