I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I am naked and annoyed.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Pants are for mortals
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
