I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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