Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
