Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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