My Higher Power is John Stamos
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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