peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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