My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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