Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
