i just wanna soil my oats bro
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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