I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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