I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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