my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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