According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
