Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
