Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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