some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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