he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
