ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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