i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
