ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
