I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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