we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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