omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
