My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
