weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
God, I missed his penis.
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