when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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