It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
