My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
