She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
