I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
