ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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