Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
