O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
