i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
