Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
