Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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