I wanna bring you to show and tell
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
