You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
