sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
how drunk are you?
Several
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
