is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
