i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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