I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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