Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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