dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I love having hate sex.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
