Whod you bang
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
