I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
